We can have lots of fun with the next presidential election. No worries about hanging chads, unless we have a guy named Chad who can dunk a basketball and hang from the rim. No worries about hacking into electronic voting systems, unless the hacking is of the basketball variety. No worries about ballot stuffing unless it's another guy named Chad that can dunk.
I present to you the Presidential decathlon. Here are the 10 events:
1. A game of H-O-R-S-E. Obama might have this one in the bag (see video).
2. Be the first to be able to take a jet to mach 1 (maybe a McCain event?)
3. A game of horseshoes (a very American event)
4. Hot dog eating contest (SJSU's Joey Chestnut would be the favorite if he were old enough to run for President)
5. A debate contest using random topics (Nader might be the odds on favorite with this one)
6. A driving test (appropriate for a nation in love with its cars)
7. A cannonball contest (most water on pool deck wins!)
8. An essay on "Why I want to be President" (judges would be top 10 finishers in Scripps National Spelling Bee Contest)
9. Talent contest (judged by Dave Attell and staff from Comedy Central's Gong Show; our next President will have to have a sense of humor)
10. U.S. citizenship test (this would be a timed event; most points for fastest finish)
Most total points is next President; runner-up is Vice President.
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